Sensory Integrate Personal FAQ

Did you always know that you were different? When did you know that you were different?

How did you know that you were different?

What would you have wanted someone to tell you when you realized you were different than other people?

What did you not like other people to tell you?

What is one of the most frustrating times you can remember?

What would’ve been helpful to you as you were growing up? What could someone have done for you?

Did you have sensory issues when you were younger?

What was your behavior like when you were younger?

Did you have any close friends who were girls?

What were some difficult times that you can remember in school?

What would you say has been most helpful to do throughout your life?

What does it feel like when you have to communicate something really important but don’t feel your message is getting across or you can’t get the words out? What do you do?

So what’s it like to try to make plans?

What does it feel like when your plans get canceled at the last minute?

What about when your plans or your routines get canceled with a few days or more notice?

What does it feel like to have an "event", such as a basketball game, be "alive"?

How does it feel to have a question/problem/piece of information be “alive”?

How about manners? Did you ever have any trouble with manners?

Do you notice details?

What do you mean you don’t connect to people? You seem to connect just fine.

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These are questions I have received from parents over the years. My answers here are brief, and this section is still being updated.

I have not been officially diagnosed with Asperger syndrome or a sensory processing dysorder, but as I began to work with children and families affected by these things, I could see more and more of these things in myself. I am able to relate to these special children in a way I can relate to no one else.

I have found that I am able to provide families with an inside picture into how their children think and feel, and how they view the world. I am also able to accurately predict and communicate how a sensory special child may be feeling in certain situations.

I am happy to be able to share my insights with you. Please E-mail me with any further questions you would like to see posted here. I will do my best to answer.

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Sensory Special Child

Did you always know that you were different? When did you know that you were different?

I can’t say the first moment I realized I was different, but I definitely knew in Kindergarten. It seems I had a sense of it in the preschools I went to.

But in kindergarten it really become more obvious to me. I was somehow out of place, and I tried to fit in the best way I knew how.

How did you know that you were different?

One reason was that I was not interested in playing with the girls at all. I was only interested in playing with the boys, and I wanted to do everything they were doing.

So for most of my school career, most of my friends were boys. Somehow I related to them better I guess. I hated dresses and any type of girl thing anyway. This alone set me apart.

But there was more. When I was younger I couldn`t explain it. But as I grew older, I guess it became more apparent that my interests were different than most of my friends. And I became less and less interested in interacting with them.

More than anything though, it was a feeling. A feeling I couldn`t explain. And that made it even more difficult for anyone to be able to help me.

What would you have wanted someone to tell you when you realized you were different than other people?

I would have wanted someone to tell me it was okay to be different, that it was okay to be who I was. I always felt inadequate somehow because I wasn’t interested in the same things as girls my age.

And as I grew older, I constantly felt like there was something wrong with me. I would have wanted people to tell me that I was okay just as I was. And I was lucky that I had people to tell me that.

What did you not like other people to tell you?

I hated it when people tried to relate, telling me they knew exactly what I was experiencing. How could anyone know? Or when they told me it was normal...looking at all my peers, I knew that whatever I was experiencing was NOT normal, and perhaps the furthest thing from it.

I hated it when people tried to justify my behavior under the guise of everyone being different and everyone being special. I was not everyone else...and I can see now still, I am not like everyone else. I hated it when people tried to put me in that box, package me up and forget about me.

What is one of the most frustrating times you can remember?

Senior Year. I was a good couple years into my journey of discovering what the heck was wrong with me, and had done some reading on ADD/ADHD, so thinking that might be a possibility, I pushed for the school district to give me an evaluation. They gave me intelligence tests, and concluded that there was nothing wrong wtih me.

I remember that meeting well. They wanted me to sign off on it, and I refused. I exploded, pounding the table, and yelling that things were not okay. I was so frustrated I thought I was going to break something. I remember the looks on all their faces. Silence fell acrosss the room. It was if a wind had blown through and suddenly no one had anything to say. Finally, someone stated, “I think we have a problem.” [me shaking me head...] They suggested counseling, which by the way was about as helpful as a brick to the head.

I felt so frustrated and so helpless. I knew something was wrong, but I didn`t know what else I could do.

What would’ve been helpful to you as you were growing up? What could someone have done for you?

I probably would have hated it, but it might have been helpful if someone could have tried to help me interact with others appropriately.

When I help kids try to interact with other kids now, and I imagine that if I were them, I would be mad that this person was stepping into my life and trying to tell me what to do. But I migh have appreciated it when I got older.

Also, I might have wanted someone to identify and glorify the differences, showing me your friends are interested in this, but it’s okay that you’re not interested in that...you’re interested in this instead, and that’s really great. Could you tell me about it?

And I would have wanted someone to try to draw out fo me what I was feeling and experiencing inside.

Did you have sensory issues when you were younger?

Oh yes...from the time I was a baby, I had collick. That was just the beginning.

In sixth grade I stopped going to any type of party altogether. I never went to a school dance. I “wasn’t interested” at the time, but looking back, a lot of it was the overstimulation I experienced from anything like that.

Please see the question below about behavior, and its relation to sensory issues.

There is tons more. I will update this section later.

What was your behavior like when you were younger?

I threw terrible tantrums when I couldn’t get my way or when I was frustrated, and these were headaching fits that would sometimes last for quite a long time. My mother reports that one time when I couldn’t have my way, I took 2 pitchers of juice out of the refriderator and poured them on the floor.

I couldn’t imagine any other way than mine. And if I wanted something I was so persistant that I would go on for hours and hours, even if my parents had said no. As I got older, my behavior got a bit more dangerous, as I once kicked a hole through the sheetrock wall of my bedroom. Then in middle school, I lived in the basement, and I had cement walls I used to punch and try to gouge up my knuckles.

Tantruming was also sometimes from overstimulation, especially when I would become tired. Punching walls also helped with overstimulation. It helped focus the excess sensory feedback that I was feeling inside and allowed me to feel better.

Did you have any close friends who were girls?

Yes, one best one in third grade who sadly moved away, but I kept in contact with her for a long time. I also remember playing with the girls, but I could never really understand or get along with them. Their behavior often seemed strange and confusing to me.

In sixth grade I made another good friend, whom I still have. Then in college, I also made a few close friends who were girls. Ironically, most of these girls were very very girly girls. We really had nothing in common, and the only logic I can put to our relationship was that opposites attract.

However, I am happy to report, that as I have learned more about what I am experiencing and that what is normal for me is okay, I have been able to make more close friends who are women. And that has been an enjoyable process for me.

What were some difficult times that you can remember in school?

I could write a book on this one. In fact, I am..

Kindergarten. I was asking my friend if he had seen the Halloween episode of the sitcom "Punky Brewster" the night before, and proceeded to talk about it quietly, since the teacher said that was okay. She wrote my name on the board, and I had to say in for recess for five minutes. I felt terrible because she said I was talking too loudly. I was often told that, even though I didn`t notice or understand (even through high school).

Fourth grade. The teacher was handing out colored paper for a project. I wanted to have the same colors as my best friends in the whole world (two boys). I asked what color they were choosing, and they lied to me. I had to choose first, and they chose a different color than I did. I went up and exchanged it, but I was really hurt, and I didn’t understand why we couldn’t be friends anymore. They had outgrown me. My other friends who were boys outgrew me over the next few years. That was also really difficult.

Fifth grade. It was getting to be time for me to start wearing a bra, but I wasn’t ready to do that, and I didn’t like the way they felt against my skin. So I wore a bathing suit for a long time. The kids who noticed used to make fun of me because I wore a bathing suit to school every day. They didn`t understand why I wasn`t like them, and neither did I.

Sixth grade. The last year I went to birthday parties. I think they just got to be too much for me. And probably not a lot of my guy friends were inviting me by that time anyway. Plus I always got left out when their friends invited them to their birthdays, and I would always miss them. We played a lot of football. I hate football. But it was one thing I enjoyed with them because they were my friends.

Middle School. A sleepover with the basketball team. I tried so hard to fit in, but the kids were literally running away from me in the house. Going from room to room, again leaving me out. They were so mean to me. And even when I tried to fit in, it was so obvious how different I truly was. I hated that night.

High School. Suffice it to say that by this point, I was well aware that something was "wrong" with me, and I couldn`t find the help I needed to sort through all the confusion. I was worlds away from my peers, which only added to my turmoil.

What would you say has been most helpful to do throughout your life?

My martial arts and my teachers. My karate is my stronghold, it’s what gives me life and what keeps my afloat. And my teachers are the ones who have given me encouragement and helped me not to stray too far from my path. Through my practice, I have become painfully aware of my process. My practice is my life.

In addition, practicing martial arts has addressed many of my sensory issues in a way no other activities have been able to.

Staying active in general and getting enough rest also helps.

What does it feel like when you have to communicate something really important but don’t feel your message is getting across or you can’t get the words out? What do you do?

Sometimes I just wait. Sometimes I keep trying.

I definitely make sure I get my point accross now, although it make take some time.

Sometimes I find myself stumbling on words and I find that before I`m able to communicate I have to script the whole interaction [meaning to write the whole conversation out ahead of time and memorize it].

Sometimes I say the wrong words or explain something in a way that no one else would think of.

Luckily the people I work with are kind, and they recognize that if I describe something as a white car, it may actually have been a blue truck. And they are able to try to interpret what I want to say.

So what’s it like to try to make plans?

That’s a tough one. I honestly can’t say there are too many things I can fully commit to. In fact, my attendence at the dojo is about the only thing...and now my schedule at school. And those are things I’ve been doing for years, school since I was five, and dojo since I was ten. They are a part of my routine for life it seems.

But when I try to plan other things, I become overwhelmed and drown in the details.

Planning is often difficult and usually impossible for me still.

More on this Later.

What does it feel like when your plans get canceled at the last minute?

It’s very difficult. I feel scared, and I feel like I don’t know what to do next. This is especially hard when a martial arts class is changed or canceled. It has remained a part of my routine for the past fifteen years, and when it changes it really shakes me up inside.

The thing that I have found that helps the most is to not count on anything until it is actually happening. Sort of like not planning, except the plans are out there should the event actually occur.

What about when your plans or your routines get canceled with a few days or more notice?

If they are plans I had made with someone, it may be easy for me to forget it and reschedule, as it puts my mind at ease about all the questions I have to ask myself and the whole evaluation process I have to go through before making concrete plans.

If it is a planned event, in which I am participating at the dojo, then that is more difficult. I have learned not to count on any of the events happening until I am there doing them. But that is a hard way for me to live. Just the not knowing...it’s hard.

However, if it is a regular part of my routine, it has the potential to cause a severe disruption in my life. With the martial arts classes, as they have been a part of my routine for so so long, missing them often causes or enhances depression, obsessions, and sensory issues. Unfortunately, this is not limited to just the time in which the class would be taking class. It may extend for hours or days before and after. It is a significant disruption in my life.

And I feel like I want to blame other people sometimes, when my reactions, sensitivities, etc., don’t have anything to do with them. One thing I have recently learned is that people often make "fake plans," and they don`t really intend to do the things they make plans to do. This is something I feel I will never understand.

What does it feel like to have an "event", such as a basketball game, be "alive"?

Each event is like a living entity. When it gets canceled or changes it is similiar to the pain one would experience when a loved one is lost, but on a more superficial level. The years and years of attachment & memories for example don’t exist, but the loss does.

It really hurts. And it is a very sad occasion, filled with feelings of anger, and resentment, and a wondering if I could have done anything differently to prevent the loss of the event. I blame others, then myself, even when no blame it to be had. It is a time for mourning.

How does it feel to have a question/problem/piece of information be “alive”?

I wish I could explain this better. But it’s hard to explain because this is a hard thing to anticipate, and the only way I’ve known I felt it was alive is because I feel a tension and urgency about a situation for some reason, and later realized it was because I was doing it again. [i.e. treating information as if it truly had life]

So what is it like? Well, it’s like this.

You have a question about how to do a math problem. You see & think you understand the way the teacher explained it. Yet, when you do it, you find what appears to be a discrepancy and you want to know why. You really want to study this problem and understand why it behaves as it does, why it works as it does.

This is when the problem begins to take on a life of it’s own I feel. Suddenly, it becomes alive, and before you know it, you are fighting to save this problem, fighting to understand it’s inner workings and it’s intracacies. You ask and ask and ask relentlessly, not letting up until you have an answer that satisfies you.

And this may take quite some time. You may have to consult many sources, ask many people...but you will get the answer to this question at all costs, even if you do things you wouldn’t normally do, such as interupt people, or raise the volume of your voice.

In the end, you figure because you were able to [create &] help one life to live, that that justified the sacrifices made. And, if I might note, it is likely that you would not notice doing things that you wouldn’t normally do, or they would send up red flags for you, and you might stop and be redirected at that point.

These are things that I inevitably notice after and by that time, I have the space to step back and study it. This doesn’t seem to occur to me when I am experiencing the struggle to take care of the entity I have made living...there is too much of a sense of urgency to take care of it, almost like a prolonged impulse.

This Answer to be Updated.

How about manners? Did you ever have any trouble with manners?

Manners are like a second language to me. They always have been. And some days I do better, somedays I do worse, but no matter how I do, although I do my best, sometimes they just don’t come out right. Probably my most difficult to figure out thus far has been “sir” and “ma’am.” I am working really hard to hear and see how this feels natural, as this is how I learn a skill that has over the years become natural to most people, but not to me.

Again, my martial arts training has probably helped me the most with this. Manners are a natural part of behavior in the dojo. And although some of the etiquette is different, much of it can be applied to every day life.

Do you notice details?

It depends. Visually, not usually. Smell & sound, most definitely I will notice.

I will likely hear sounds that no one else hears, and smell things that no one else smells.

Visually, if it relates to something important to me, such my water mug, then yes, I will notice immediately. But if it has to do with the appearance of someone or something, then no, likely I will not notice.

And in fact, often when I try to describe things to other people, I am unable to do so accurately. And I definitely will not notice when someone changes something about their appearance, even when prompted.

Although, with practice, I am beginning to notice a little more little by little, and these are big accomplishments for me.

What do you mean you don’t connect to people? You seem to connect just fine.

Yes, and that is the exact misconception that kept me from receiving help for so many years. I have developed many skills along the way that helped me meet and exceed the standards of what I have tried to accomplish.

Almost of all of the social pieces I have were learned, and learned in the sense that I have to consciously cue myself to remember to look in someone’s eyes, and constantly check back with myself that I am doing that because otherwise, my gaze may drift.

When I meet somebody new, I have to remind myself to say, “Hi, my name is Jessica. It’s nice to meet you.” I have learned to look at people’s faces & try to read their body language when they’re talking to me. I am doing a bit better, but I am by no means consistent with this. I always have to pay attention to myself. Constantly checking & rechecking to be sure I am doing the right/acceptable thing.

This was where I was a couple of years ago. I have been doing much better with these things lately, but I still have to remind myself sometimes.